Infertility Aint for the Faint of Heart

Recently, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association's Facebook page asked the question "What do you want people to know about infertility?". I dont usually comment on the questions, but this day I did, and what I wrote has been echoing in my mind for days now. Infertility is my personal burden to carry, some days it is heavy, some days it is light. Years of testing, trying, and finally, rounds of IVF. I wrote something like "No matter how happy you are in life you will never forget". The knowledge that you are can not conceive a child in your body will stay with you. No matter how you choose to build your family, that fact does not go away. I tamp down the pain, filling the space with happy experiences and making memories with my family. Some days I don't think about it at all, other days it overwhelms you out of nowhere. Its a tug-of-war of the mind only now. I could be shopping at Target with my 2 year old adopted son who I love fiercely, but a mother walks by with 2 maybe 3 kids in tow -who all have a family resemblance- and BAM! I feel like shit. But not for long.... All I need is to just look down at my amazing son with his bright eyes and handsome face. He looks up and yells "Mama Mama!"... and the war is over.

Is he full yet?? And is this kid a comedian trapped in a toddler's body?

Its a good thing I just got CPR certified because G-d forbid, really, how much food can my kid shove in his mouth without choking?? I am continually amazed at the amount of food my child eat. I keep telling my mother-in-law that he's having a growth spurt but for real, I wonder if he is gonna blow up 'The Hulk' style when I dont get him his milk fast enough. Miiiilk!!! Two Motts applesauce cups for breakfast plus oatmeal? A giant potato pancake **with applesauce on top** (thanks Grandma Ellen!) and I mean GIANT. I measured one of those suckers at 4 inches across! 8 grapes (cut in eighths thank you very much)for snack time. He kept reaching in the cup with a look of pure delight... I think he would have rubbed those grapes all over his body if I left him alone. An entire hot dog, noodles and peas for dinner. noodle, hot dog, noodle, hot dog, noodle. So he alternated til there were just some peas left-then ate them too! And he has this thing now, where when he is enjoying something he's eating or making joking (like shoving his finger in your belly button) he closes his eyes and grins widely and goes 'Aaaaarrr" or 'beeeeeeep' depending on if you are mommy or daddy respectively.