Why A BJ's Membership Doesn't Suck

Last Week I spent $25 at Chuck E Cheese in an hour. The only thing unusual about that is, on that day it pissed me off. I was annoyed to watch my money go bye-bye so fast. But wait, you cash in the kids' tickets aaanndd you get...a kid with a pucker mouth from insisting she wants Fun Dip and her Dad will never know. And my son's eyes lit up when he saw the plastic rocket he could proudly take home and show (fire at) Daddy. After much negotiating, thats, slipping the counter boy an extra dollar cause we didn't have enough bloody tickets, we left with our puny booty.

By the time we got home, I had a what looked like a zombie tween next to me from consuming said Fun Dip. Then as we walked through the door, the rocket thrusters fell off like magical pixie dust (Chucky dust?) wearing off.

I noticed, via Facebook of course, that a friend of mine likes to go bowling with her kids. So I called Whats-His- Name Family Amusements just to see. The young man who picked up patiently answered my questions since I hadnt bowled in a few years (not counting a 4 yr old's party last year). Kid's cost $3.50. Each? Each. Shoes cost $2.50 to rent. Each? Each. Adults cost $4.00. Each? Each. Multiple by 2 kids....I thanked him, and hung up. OK. This was going to run me $20 easily and that didn't include arcade games or pizza and hot dog from the snack counter. Not worth it for a Tuesday. Board games it is.

Then, yesterday, motivated by boredom and lack of money, I had an epiphany! Instead of Paw Patrol, I took my son out of the house to a giant playspace that wasn't crowded! Where is this Valhalla you ask? Why, BJ's Warehouse Club.

1) No pushy kids.

2) Plenty of snacks. Free! Bonus; Sam is learning news words. Say "sample".

3) Lots of space to run. Boy, those aisles are HUGE!

4) Who needs a Jungle gym? There are tons of pallets and metal bars to climb.

5) Interactive games. We played, "Watch out for that lady's shopping cart!" a lot.

6) Clean family restroom. Ahhh heaven.

7) Friendly and helpful employees. They dont look like zombies who just got their driver's licenses.

8) No buying tokens, special socks or shoes required. (My husband keeps trying to put those damn neon orange socks into rotation.)

9) Entertainment for adults too. "Aww look at the pretty baby crib and video monitors." "Two-pak 5 pound cans of baked beans for $7.99? Yes, please!"

10) There are BJ's everywhere. No need to shlep an hour! 15 minutes. tops.

11) I imagine I am a member of an elite, thats "fu-fu", type country club where only the most sought after Moms can afford membership.

12) Free boxes! I didn't even HAVE to buy $80 worth of groceries. I could have just grabbed boxes and headed home with Sam's new toys. Boxes.

13) Coupons!! As I signed up at the desk the smiling associate showered coupons into my waiting hands.

Yes, I got us a membership, but only because they had a special running this month. I told my husband to go over today for their weekly "Daddy and son day". They will love it. Have a sample.

Got another reason BJ's doesn't suck? Let me know.

Mama Drama

Jayden walked over and slapped Ariana across the face. Camden lost control and crashed into Blakely. Hunter and Jackson were fighting for the ring before Cooper finally broke in and snatched it for himself! Brody looked on from a safe distance by the fence. What am I watching? Is it the newest daytime/nighttime soap on TV, Hulu or Netflex? Not even close. This drama takes place on the playground. At a park near you, little children are being raised as a collective brood; the next 90210-ers. The drama is high and the names are androgynous. Since when can I NOT tell the difference between a boy and a girl? The answer is now, now that Im awash in the throws of the toddler years. Unless these kids wear purple flowers or skull and crossbones, I'm just not sure anymore.



Am I the only one that finds these names unfamiliar and strange? I repeat the name the Mommy says but it falls flat on my tongue. (Do all these moms speak French too?) Usually its the girls with the short, whispy hair, too short for a pigtail that I do a double take. I swear there were no names like Brayden and Brysen when I was a kid. Do these parents have contest to see how many vowels and 'y's they can cram in a name? KayLee? Kaylee? Kaylei? So far Ive only mistaken a little girl for a boy once, to my credit the onesie was gray.

And why am I the only f*ing Mom climbing the jungle gym(is it even called that??) ladder or wall with the tiny hand holds after my son to make sure he doesnt fall. Hey, Im no 'copter Mom- I stay a distance away and let him do it himself. He's just a bit... unsteady still. But, The Other Mommies glance up from afar, over their Gucci sunglasses (fake, right?) on the bench, pulled away for the moment from their Smartphones. How can they even wear their Victoria Secret sweatsuit to the park? Aren't their afraid the rhinestones will fall off, I wonder?

I'm not beating it, I love my mommy life, just observations through the eyes of this 40-something Mommy. I sometimes feel like IM on another planet. Exploring new life forms. Some are (passive) aggressive, some are (mostly) harmless.

Hoping none of my new Meet-up Mommy friends read this, until they get to know me a little better. Oh, and hubby better get me a gift certificate to Victoria Secret for Mother's Day this year, Im gonna need it!